2 week anniversary

Today is our two week anniversary. Two intense, emotional weeks with lots of tears and I’m not talking just about him. I’ve cried because I was happy, because I was emotionally drained, because I miss my family and friends, because I’m not sure I will love him as much as his birth mother, because I am worried about him, because I over analyse things. So today I kinda said to myself ok no more crying it takes away the enjoyment. For five years I have tried to refrain from imagining my child. It is a hard thing to do, keeping your hopes tucked away deep inside you because whatever they are, they will not correspond with reality. In some ways my son is much more than I dared to hope for. He is beautiful, smart and sweet. He is also resilient, defiant, and at times really difficult to handle and this is where it’s difficult. I find it hard to find the right balance between love and discipline. I have read too many books and listened to too many people and I see something in every little thing. My husband reminded me today that we are here to make him happy and to do what is best for him but sometimes I can’t help myself for wanting more from him and forgetting that we are only together for two weeks. The only thing I imagined was teaching him lots of stuff but he is not interested at the moment in learning, he loses focus very quickly but we’ll hang in there.

For the last two days we’ve just been hanging out together and getting to know each other more. He’s definitely drawn to his dad more but that’s ok , I kind of expected this to happen. We are still making progress, small steps at the time and lots of hard work from both ends. The swimming is going great and is actually really good to improve his trust in us. It takes a lot of courage from him to let go and trust us to be there to catch him. From sitting on the side of the swimming pool we have progressed to letting go of inside the swimming pool wearing only armbands in just two weeks!

He is still very needy with attention and seeks it all the time either by telling us he loves us or by just getting up to mischief, I normally have to repeat minimum 10 times not to do something before he starts listening. He still tries to control what happens but is getting better at accepting that mommy and daddy take that decision and sometimes that doesn’t correspond to what he wants to do. I am not sure if he has attachment problems, I think it is going well, better than I anticipated but I’m sure we will have to continue to work hard on this. I am so thankful he was with the same foster mom for many years, I am sure this has helped immensely for him to build a trusting relationship with someone. One thing I know, it is easy to say you will love someone unconditionally in reality it takes a lot of reminding myself of my promise to him. But I do love him, every moment of the day and I tell him all the time, even when I’m upset with him, I still make sure he knows mommy loves him.