Our adoption journey...

7 years ago I posted a letter; it was my first letter inquiring about adoption. Once we got approved I met an extraordinary online mom who adopted three children from India. She was there for me to send me an encouraging word when things were just taking forever. We always stayed in touch and a few years ago she founded Illuminate India. I have supported them ever since because the work they do is just phenomenal. My son graduated from Kindergarten today, I am so proud of him. He has come such a long way in the 15 months he’s been with us. But not all children get their forever family. For some children the reality is a life in the orphanage and very often those with severe disabilities are not even able to go outside. It is those children that are at the heart of Illuminate India. They provide adapted vans, build new orphanages, provide therapist and much needed care for those who remain without a forever family. This year I am turning 40 and a very dear friend of mi...

Dear birth mom, I wonder where you are... I wonder if you wonder what happened to your son. I wish I could tell you how he became our little wonder. How he’s turning into a caring boy. I wish you could see the sparkle in his eye and the smile that lights up his face. I wish you could feel his hand on your cheek. I wish I could lighten the pain I’m sure you’re feeling when you think of him. No mother relinquishes her child without thought. I wish I could tell him who you are, what you look like and how much you loved him. I wish he got a chance to know you, I wish he could have had a happy life with you but things turned out differently. I promise I love him as my own, I will love him through the good and bad and above all I will keep your memory alive. Even though we don’t know who you are, we know you are and always will be his birth mom and for that I am eternally grateful. Happy mother’s day to all those birth moms who had to make the impossible choice. This i...

Dear Julzie, Today when I tucked you into bed you said something very profound to me. Something you have not said in words before. You told me you loved me (which I have heard a gazillion times) but you also looked me in the eyes and said and I trust you mommy. I thought I was patient when we were waiting for you but you gave patience a whole new dimension. I thought I loved you before I met you; little did I know how you would take that love and bring it to infinity. I was happy before I met you, now I am complete. You have transformed our life in so many different ways; I can’t remember what it was like before. You have awakened in me a deep feeling of compassion and admiration. I admire you little man, how you have embraced your life with such stride and determination. I hope you will forgive me the times I lack patience to understand your troubles; I hope you will come to understand that all I do, I do to nurture you and your heart. We have come a long...

Almost a year ago I was standing on the pavement of our hotel in Bangalore overcome with stress and emotions and to this day I still don’t know how I held it together. A year later I remember exactly the smells and colors of that day, the feeling I had in the taxi on the way, I remember turning into the road of VCT and I remember looking up at the building, I remember seeing the first kids in the corridor, I remember who greeted me and guided me upstairs to the office, I remember in which chair I sat and I remember vividly J appearing in the doorway and leaping into my lap shouting the words mommy. That day is ingrained in my brain and I have a feeling will never fade. My eyes still tear up when I think back to that day, the day everything changed, the day that marked the start of something beautiful but at times so very hard. I have no illusions that all moms go through the hard parts but adoption is still another journey, it’s raw and painful at times and...

2013 was by far the most exciting year in my life, all the years that led up to it just pale next to 2013. It was everything I hoped for and more.   It also went by incredibly fast with highs and lows and above all lots of love and happiness. Here’s a recap of our highlights: 7 January 2013 court approval! 18 February GOTCHA day and the start to an incredible journey of motherhood it also marked the beginning of a friendship with a special family in India to whom I will always be grateful for taking us under their wings. 6 th of June we celebrated his birthday for the first time as a family. 26 th of June I celebrated my first birthday as a mom. July he went to summer school for the first time. The hardest thing ever as he thought we were giving him back. We’re so over that and he’s now happy to go to school and happy to come home every day. In September he started school. In November we moved to the states for a few months so big change but all is ...

“Amma means mother in many languages. It is originally derived from the language Tamil word அம்மா which means mother” When my son puts his hand on my cheek, looks me straight in the eyes and whispers... my amma forever and ever, I feel so full of love and nothing scares me anymore about motherhood. So here’s where we are six months later... In the last two weeks J calls me his amma but only in the evening when we cuddle before going to sleep, the rest of day he calls me mommy. Yet when he calls me his amma there is something different about it, for some reason it feels more significant. It’s the only word he uses from his native language. Six months ago we picked up a happy but also sometimes complicated little boy fast forward six months and J is pretty much like any other boy; charming, naughty and full of energy. Ready to start school next week, goes on play dates, loves dancing and swimming and watching Barney. J speaks already in three languages of course French a...

Welcome to our life. This is us, we travel a lot, we believe in challenge to expand the mind and we try to apply this to our family all the time. That is not to say I was not worried because on the one hand I want to show Julian life and the world on the other hand I want him to have stability. So week 1, school in France. Not only was this the first time he was going to an organized school, it was the first time away from home for the day and boy did it show. He was worried, in his mind school was orphanage and I think he was convinced this is where he was going, back to school waiting for a new mommy and daddy.   I was so stressed the whole day, worried if he’s doing ok and if he’s managing to understand the language ..oh yes did I mention this was in French J When I went to pick him up, he seemed surprised but so happy. On the way home he pointed at me and said: This is still my mommy!!! It was hard not to burst out crying. The rest of the week went great. He went horse...