catch up with time

I haven’t blogged on our adoption blog in such a long time. I remember when we started our adoption I searched a lot for post adoption blogs but there were few to find.

I completely understand now why that is, life takes on its own rhythm again and leaves you with very little time. Before you know it you’re caught up in parenting a not always easy child and everything else just takes a back seat.

At the same time you feel apprehensive in sharing personal information about your child. Sometimes not writing about certain difficulties makes them less real.

J is now 9 years old, he doesn’t always behave it though. He still has that exhausting need to be at the centre of attention all the time. When it’s just us, we have found what works for us and he’s really easy going but add some other people in the mix and it can become truly exhausting. I am very thankful we get a lot of support at school and so far he’s been able to keep up in the normal school system. Even that requires a lot of extra work at home etc... plus he doesn’t like school all that much so makes as little effort as possible. We’ve been strict parents and set very clear boundaries which he really has to test over and over again. We’ve been home more than four years now and he has made enormous progress and in those four years somehow the past became a bit blurred. Everything becomes routine and you forget what was before that is until I watched Lion.

It had taken me some time to work up the courage to watch it. It was every bit as difficult as I had thought it would be and it reminded me of J’s story. To see the little boy lost, surviving on the street and dealing with all its perils, my heart broke in a thousand pieces. This had been my son’s reality. The sense of losing your family, the hunger, the sadness, it was all there. It made me realise that my expectations had perhaps been wrong, it made me doubt myself as a mother all over not to mention the fact that I suddenly was confronted with the thought that maybe his birth mother was still searching, hoping he would return, we don’t know the beginning of the story. I find that such a sad thought, I wish she would know how amazing her son is.

So if you stumbled upon my blog and you’re thinking about adoption, I can tell you it’s hard but being a mother is hard, adoption or not. Adoption brings along many other issues that perhaps normal families don’t have to deal with. It brings a sense of loss with it, not just for your child but also for you. You weren’t there for your child when he needed you, when he suffered and there is no way to make up for lost time. Adoption will test your marriage, you may not always be on the same wave length with your partner and inevitably this will create tension.

But adoption is a beautiful thing, no matter how rocky the road is, it leads to amazing destinations along the way. The sun may not always be shining but even in the darkest thunderstorms there is beauty to be found.

Last week I became a step grandma and I wrote this for my stepdaughter. I’m sure she won’t mind me sharing it here,  I have added on last sentence to make it my poem for all those adoption moms out there:

As beautiful as the sun dappled leaves in autumn,
As awe inspiring as a clear star sprinkled night,
As peaceful as the song of a nightingale,

As unpredictable as the current of the ocean,
As trying as a blazing desert,
As volatile as a hurricane,

That is motherhood.

As perfect as the wings of a Monarch butterfly,
As pure as the morning dew,
As flawless as Beethoven’s number 5,

As challenging as climbing Mount Everest,
As exhausting as counting all the grains of sand in the Sahara,
As nerve-wracking as walking a tight rope above the Grand Canyon,

That is motherhood.
That is unconditional love.
That is imperfect perfection.
That is adoption.