on this day two years ago...

Two years ago to this day, I sat in my dear friend Lisa’s kitchen sipping coffee. I was desperate for news from India by that time we’d been waiting a long time for the court decision. I saw there was an email from In*ia but I was hesitant to open it. Only if you’ve been through an adoption would you understand the hesitation, the desperation for news and the fear of bad news. The fear that maybe it wasn’t approved, the excitement that maybe this was the mail.

It turned out to be THE mail, the one that said we were now the parents of J. I was so happy to be with auntie Lisa to share this extremely important moment. From now on, when people asked if I had kids, I could say YES! I have a son.

A son, who at that point, I’d never kissed goodnight. A son whose hand I’d never held. A son to whom I’d never read a bed time story. In my mind I had of course fantasised about my son, at that point I already knew about him for some time. In my mind he was sometimes a happy boy and at other times he was sad. In my mind he adored his mommy and at other times didn’t bond with her. In my mind I had fabricated the worst and the best. The wait after that was even worse,  I had a son but there were of course more administrative hurdles to go through. But on that day two years ago, I did go shopping and bought two items of clothing for him. On that day two years ago my husband bought me a shirt that said yummie mommy. I was so far away from him. Even farther than usual as were in the US at the time and yet I felt so close.

Our journey over the last two years has not been without difficulties but let me say. Two years later I have a son who wakes up every morning with a huge smile on his face. I have a son whose eyes sparkle. I have a son who adores his parents. I have a son who exceeds all my fantasies.
I am eternally grateful to that judge who decided our fate and entrusted us with our boy.


It is a hard world today, so much poverty, violence and sadness but at the same time there is a lot of good and happiness and that happiness is sitting in my bed watching tv and saying I love you mommy, can I have a hug?


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