Dear Julzie

My sweet Julzie

You have been with us almost four months now and what a four months they have been.

You showed us your country and we took you to ours. You showed us your family and friends and we replaced them with new ones.  You spoke other languages and we took away some and added others...

And you take it all in stride. This month we celebrated your first birthday at home, I don’t know who was more excited you or me. It was such a big milestone. You so proud to be a big five year old boy, me so proud you are my big boy.

I remember thinking in the first few weeks, Can I do this? How do I love you unconditionally... now I know. Julzie there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you; you have my heart and more. And yet I feel it is not enough. When you cry silently but can’t tell me why, it aches so much not to be able to take away your sadness. You miss your “foster brother” and all the skype calls in the world can’t make up for it.  

You are so consumed with making sure I am ok and happy and you get so upset when you misbehave and mommy gets angry. We are all so desperately trying to find our place in our family and you are so worried that maybe it will all fall apart. But it will not because even though it gets difficult at times, you will always be my Julzie. You are too young to fully understand, every change upsets you because you don’t know what is going to happen. But through it all there is one constant, my love for you.

Sometimes you say I like my mommy so much and sometimes you push me away because you are sad. But that’s ok, I know with time things will heal. I tell you every day that I am your forever mommy and how much I love you.

You have been doing so amazingly well, and we are so proud of you. We couldn’t have wished for a more amazing son.

We love you now, tomorrow, forever.